Boldly Lauren

What do you do when your life does a complete 180?

There are so many scenarios where your life can completely change overnight; lost jobs, illness, natural disasters, moving, relationships, new babies, school – the list goes on. I’ve faced many of these life upheavals and I’ve found a few things to be true each time.

If you’re trying to navigate major life changes, let me coach you through the art of the pivot – because the truth is, it all boils down to you.

Don’t run.

Unless, by all means, it is necessary for your survival – and I get that on a very deep and personal level; sometimes we must remove ourselves from a situation that is dangerous or harmful in order to thrive.

Oftentimes though, running from a difficult situation is merely an avoidance tactic and one that doesn’t help you grow or solve problems, especially regarding relationships with other people. This can look like physically running away, avoiding addressing challenging situations, or doomscrolling. Leaning into discomfort and sitting in those feelings can teach you how to work through tough situations.

Learning to have hard conversations (and not putting them off or avoiding them altogether) is life changing, . People will often stew on what they want to say, and while I think there is wisdom in approaching sensitive situations with carefully curated thoughts, waiting too long can create an even more difficult conversation down the road. Alternatively, saying nothing when you need to speak up can leave you unhappily stuck in situations that are detrimental to your well-being.

So, don’t run from or avoid difficult situations. Be honest in your words, delicate in your delivery when necessary, and strong on your convictions. You’ll find your circle is filled with the right people.

Find space.

Challenging situations require space for quiet reflection. Sometimes, this is easier said than done (having multiple children that I homeschool and are always with me means solo time is hard to come by).

If you’re like me and rarely have personal space, the easiest way to find or create this is when everyone else is asleep, either by waking a little earlier or setting aside a small 15 minute window before bed. When the day is noisy and our thoughts are preoccupied with to-do lists, work, errands, meal prep, etc., being intentional with quiet time and space becomes even more important for processing situations, reflecting, and soul searching.

Sometimes, I will use these windows to journal or meditate, or sometimes I put on a face mask and contemplate. Or maybe the hardest task of all – sitting completely still, alone in my thoughts. When you’re used to constantly doing things, it feels foreign sitting – especially sitting quietly -with nothing to distract you!

Simplify.

This might be the most important step in navigating major life changes. Oftentimes, doing too much or having too much adds to our stress. There have been several occasions where I have loaded up my car with only the essentials. No moving truck, no company to assist me; just me and the bare necessities starting over. Each time, I found a certain clarity in having less things to manage. It made me realize how much mental space the physical stuff was taking up: always maintaining and organizing takes up so much time. When you pare down your belongings, it gives you time for what truly matters.

Now, anytime I feel stressed or overwhelmed in my house, I grab a garbage bag and load it with things that need to go. Each time I am struck by the harsh reality that I’ve wasted a lot of money on things that I don’t actually need or want, but more importantly, I am left with a feeling of lightness that can’t be found any other way. Additionally, before making new purchases I ask myself ‘is this thing solving a problem, is it taking the place of something else that I need to get rid of, or do I actually want/need this?’. I also envision where said thing will be stored or used; asking myself these questions before purchases has saved me from wasting money and energy.

Time.

“Time heals all wounds” they say. While this may be true to an extent, sometimes wounds heal ugly, and it really depends on how you care for them as time marches on from the injury. Do you leave mangled bits to fend for themselves, or do you apply nurturing salves, protect wounds from infection, and massage old scars?

I like to think of time not as a healer, but a palate cleanser; room for emotions to have space from aggressions. The more time that passes, the fuzzier things look in the distance – but they’re never truly gone.

Time will pass no matter what we do, BUT it’s what we choose to do with the time that passes that determines the extent of our healing. Some people relive traumatic experiences daily, wallow in self blame, and relish in remorse. The truth is, none of these responses lead to healing. There’s nothing wrong with pausing to reflect on how you could have handled a situation differently, but staying stuck on that thought is the equivalent to plunging yourself off a cliff; it leads to your downfall. You have to forgive yourself when you make mistakes.

Perhaps the most healing thing I’ve found in order to move forward is envisioning where I want to go next. I liken this practice to looking at photos of somewhere you’d like to travel in the future. You may not know how to get there right away, but once you have a destination in mind (of what you’d like your life to look like moving forward) you can create the blueprint of how to get there.

My childhood was filled with unimaginable heartbreak, but never once – even then – did I accept staying in a life that felt devoid of happiness, purpose, or hope.

People who know my life story have often asked me how I became who I am despite what I’ve been through: I don’t have a great explanation outside of divine intervention and a strong sense of self from a young age. I’ve always been this way. Like I said, looking back, the image of my life’s roadmap looks a little fuzzy, but I haven’t forgotten the terrain that led me to where I am now. It toughened me in ways that I’ve needed to be as an adult; a gentle soul who can rise up as fierce as a lion when needed.

If I could talk to little me, I’d tell her everything is going to turn out alright. Actually, it’s more than alright, life is downright beautiful and more than I could have ever imagined. The unfortunate sequence of events that lead to this point didn’t break you; it built you into a woman who doesn’t fear change or challenges.

No matter what you’re facing, give yourself grace and know ‘this too shall pass’. Every life experience gives us the opportunity to learn and grow and develop skills that will help us in future situations.

Deep breaths…you’ve got this.